May 1, 2013
WRITERS WEDNESDAY: BEATRIZ F. FERNANDEZ
The Latina Book Club's mission is to promote Latina / Latino authors, which we do through book reviews, author interviews, publicity announcements, book of the month selections, etc. A new feature we are adding is "Writers Wednesdays." The first Wednesday of each month we will feature a writer talking about .....writing. Enjoy!
ENRICHING THE JOURNEY: DISCOVERING MY MUSE IN LATER LIFE
by Beatriz F. Fernandez
During my youth I wrote poetry fitfully, occasionally hitting a good note but never feeling totally satisfied with the results. At 48, I felt as though my writing was at a standstill. One day I brought out the newspaper clipping again, thought to look up the poet’s website and discovered she offered distance tutorials. On the off chance she might be available, I emailed her about my struggles to improve my poetry. And so began my journey to become a poet at midlife.
I embarked on a series of a combination of email/phone sessions in which Andrea would send me an assignment and I would email her some poems and then we would meet via phone to discuss them. At first I balked at writing formal poems at which I had never been successful: sonnets, villanelles, ghazals. Accustomed to free verse, writing in form felt restrictive to the point of bewilderment. I felt as if I was asked to crack a secret code!
Writing in the voice of others: Dante, Nefertiti, Hypatia, Irene Adler, has helped me find my own voice when I approach new poems written in the first person about personal subjects. After a cousin visited from Puerto Rico bearing bad news, I was able to transmute the shock and pain into a poem:
Parkinson’s at 60
You tell me your bad news at breakfast,
standing shirtless in my blue kitchen,
brightly lit as an empty stage
waiting for actors to appear—
but there is only you, my cousin,
deep brown eyes like fishing holes
in the frozen lake of your face.
Later we spoke of the old days,
a family trip to La Parguera,
our kayaks slipping silent
through the black waters
of the phosphorescent bay.
I remember trailing my fingers
in the dying light of our wake,
watching the bright fish
spiral down and disappear
into that substantia nigra—
like stars drowned out by the sun.
Memories ripple in concentric circles
away from us, away from this moment,
from every tremor of your fingers,
every soft cadence of your voice—
that voice once so crisp and clear,
those fingers that once tap-danced
on your thighs, jangling your keys,
as your impatient mind raced ahead.
We both know the bay’s magical glow
died out long ago, poisoned by gas-powered
motorboats spewing their oily fumes
into the black waters—but all I remember
are our paddles dipping in molten night,
dark-shouldered mountains shrugging
around us in the distance and the lights
from faraway hill-top houses winking out,
one by one, as dawn grew near.
Sometimes I wonder why I was unable to devote myself to creating poems when I was 20, or 30, or even 40? Did I waste years that I could have spent building a writing career? Maybe so, maybe so, but I can’t help feeling that discovering the power to express myself effectively in poetry is enriching my life in ways that I would not have appreciated earlier, or welcomed properly. The anguish of self-doubt would have weighed down the pure joy that I find buoying up my daily life now.
At 50+ I can claim many freedoms I did not possess before—my hair is thinner but my skin is thicker—I can take rejection and criticism and stand my ground better, I can risk being laughed at or ignored, I have no urgent need for validation or recognition, and I can appreciate others’ writing without fear of becoming a mere imitator. In other words, I can truly enjoy the process of writing poetry!
Another advantage not previously available: online education, which offers training and guidance where and when you need it, often with individualized instruction. Without the advent of online instruction, I never would have found a mentor like Andrea, who is both a gifted poet and teacher, but who lives on the opposite coast!
Andrea has taught me that a poem is a journey of discovery, which must take the reader to a place neither the reader nor the writer (sometimes!) expects. My personal writing journey has taken on a new glow of excitement and adventure with surprising twists and turns. It took some courage to take that first step towards my true desire, and I may not foresee where I will end up, but now I know that the life I had lived only in my mind can become real through my poetry.♥
Beatriz F. Fernandez is a Reference Librarian at Florida International University in Miami, where she’s lived for the past 20 years. She was born in Philadelphia to a Puerto Rican father and a Peruvian mother and at age five moved to Guaynabo, Puerto Rico, where she grew up. She was the grand prize winner of the 2nd annual Writer’s Digest poetry award and has been published by Writer’s Digest, Verse Wisconsin, Lorelei Signal and Spellbound. Visit her blog, Blog as if No One is Reading, at http://www.beasbooks.blogspot.com/. Follow and Friend her at www.facebook.com/beaffernandez and www.twitter.com/nebula61.
Andrea Hollander’s website: www.andreahollander.net.